Goodbye Mumbai. Hello Chennai!!!

Familiarity. Certainty. Security. This is what my home is to me. Venturing out and living in another city was an adventure I wanted to embark. The first time I left Mumbai for a prolonged period of time was 2 years ago. TCS trains all its new joiners in Trivandrum for six weeks. I looked forward to that trip. I enjoyed the six weeks thoroughly. I was sad to return to the normal life in Mumbai again. At that point I did not know what was in store after 2 years.

I applied for a transfer. The process was taking its own sweet time so the D-day looked far away. Suddenly everything fell into place and I was moving out. This time, permanently. I wasn't thrilled. Fear and uncertainty dominated my mind. My heart was aching. I couldn't look directly into my mother's sad eyes. Travel to the airport was mechanical. The check-in and boarding was no different. The realization came when the flight took off and I saw my beloved Mumbai from the sky. I knew that this was my final tear-eyed good bye to the city that has been my home for more than 23 years.

Chennai has always been my second home. Actually its my birth place. It’s been a week since I have been living here and I am already complaining about people and traffic the way I used to in Mumbai. My friends insist that my accent has already changed, which I know is not true. The familiarity is beginning, certainty is returning and security is strengthening. With passage of time I am sure this will become my home.

Shantaram contd...

There are two ways to live. One either follows all the norms and does the right thing or one can fight and live life the way one wants to. Majority do the former. Exceptional few fall in the latter category. Gregory David Roberts is an exception. He has penned down a part of his life in a book which goes by the name Shantaram. I finished the book a week ago.

When he landed in Mumbai, he was a wanted criminal on run. The book describes his 8 years of life in Mumbai. In the first year here he lived in a village for 6 months and was given the name Shataram by the mother of his tourist guide, Prabhakar, who later on became one of his closest friends. He is not known by this name in the city. Yet Roberts decided to call his book Shantaram. Probably because it’s more Indian than Lin, the name by which he is actually known. Incidentally he is names Lin by Prabhakar.

Initially, he lived in slums, made his living by commission in the drug and black money market. Then he joined Bombay mafia, fought in Afghanistan, spent some time in Indian jail and also fell in love with a German.

The book is very huge but fast moving. In all it’s is an interesting book. If you love reading, go for it.

A pierced nose

I was always fascinated by the diamond stud my mom wore on her nose. From past many years I also wanted one. I expressed my wish to my mother. She discouraged saying it’s not worth it & it’s very difficult to manage. In our customs, just before marriage a girl’s nose is pierced. My mother had to go through it against her wishes so she is biased about it. I mentioned it to my aunt. She shared agreed with my mother. I left it there.

A few months ago, I brought back the topic. She didn’t react to it. Yesterday, we happened to visit a jewellery store. I asked her again. She started to persuade me against it again. But a long argument & a mild tantrum later, she agreed. I got my nose pierced. It was painful for a few minutes.

Now I am getting used to a foreign object in the otherwise plain nose. I love it. Hope my opinion will not change with time.

Lonavala

My parents decided to celebrate their 25 years of togetherness in Lonavala, which is a small hill station near Mumbai, with the entire family. So around 12 of us left for lonavala on the 10th of July. Lonavala is around a 1 ½ hour drive on the Mumbai - Pune expressway from our place. The road is very laid, so the car can be driven at more than 100 Kmph. Its monsoon season in Mumbai. It was pouring during most of the drive. The hills were covered with clouds and the weather was incredible.

The resort we had booked for our stay was on a hill. The road leading to it was damaged badly due to bad maintenance and heavy rains. The view from the room I decided to stay was that of the hills far away. We went to the bushy dam after lunch and a little rest. It was very crowded for a weekday. Mom, I & my cousin S went in to enjoy the cold water hitting our back. Later my aunts joined us. We spent the night playing cards and pulling each other’s legs.

The sunrise marked the 25th year of marital bliss for my parents. Also this day last year bomb blasts killed hundreds in the local trains of Mumbai.

A swim and meal later we went on a drive to the Amby valley city, which is around 12KM for lonavala. We drove through clouds all our way. We stopped at few places to enjoy the wind and rain. Only elite customers are allowed through the gates of the Amby valley city, so we drove back.

Two great days later we were back home to start the boring daily routine again from Thursday. I hope my parents celebrate their golden wedding anniversary in a similar way.

Shantaram

Shantaram is the book that is keeping me busy right now. It’s the auto biography of Gregory David Roberts. I heard many friends of mine discuss the book & praise it. I wrote it on the back of my mind that I have to read it. When I saw the book at my uncle’s place in Chennai, I borrowed it. The book is 936 pages long. I started to read it to just see how it begins.

The first page hooked me to the book and finished few chapters at a stretch. I read it whenever I could in the bus, in the office, and at home. I have finished 1/3rd of the book and I liked it so far. Usually books with very detailed description bore me, but this is very different probably because it is real. The descriptions of early Bombay, the slums, etc are engrossing. I hope to finish this book soon & post a review here.

Oonjal (Swing)

Whenever I enter my mama’s (uncle’s) house in Chennai, the first thing I notice or sit on is the oonjal they have in their living room. It’s strategically place in such a way that it does not hit any furniture around it even when swung very fast. I sleep there, I eat there, and I read there. Wish I can have one here in Mumbai. Unfortunately flats in Mumbai do not offer the luxury of space.

My Trip to Tirupati

History

My mother decided to visit Tirupati by walk, if my brother gets into IIT. He did, three years ago. We could plan the trip only now. We reached Tirupati by train.

The climb begins

After registering the luggage through their transportation service, we started our journey at 2pm. The hills were steep and initial climb was only through steps. We took breaks every 250 steps initially but it decreased to 100 later. We saw people with kids and infants walking up. Some were applying haldi & kumkum to every step. Some were lighting camphor on each step. It was hot & tiring. After 2300 steps & 2 km later the journey looked easy when I saw a road.

Shock

My parents, who have taken this journey before, assured me that the next few km will be through the road. But we saw lots of steps after a small walk, which seemed like an impossible task now. But another 500 steps later came the promised easy route. There were long and small steps. It was cool & there was breeze. We also saw a deer park on the way. It started to rain & the next 3 km climb was very enjoyable.

The mountains

As we moved up, we joined the road that can be taken if one is not willing to climb. Small droplets of water fell on our face; there was a breathtaking view of the mountains from the road. All the exhaustion vanished, but the legs were still aching. Around 2 km of walk & 2900 steps later we reached a big gopuram.

Another set of stairs

These final stretches of stairs were the worst. We were all very very tired. But we started to walk up with the final bit of energy we had. The following 400 steps almost killed my legs. Then we started to walk up the slope with longer steps. The final walk took us to the seventh hill where lord Balaji resides.

Total steps: 3600
Total length: 9 km
Total time: 4 hours 15 minutes
Lesson learnt: My parents have more stamina than me. I really need to work on it.

The Temple

After a night stay, we went to the temple at 4-45 am. Thousands of people visit this temple every day. The way the management manages accommodation and Darshan is simply amazing. After one and half hours of walking along a queue, we got a darshan of 1 sec. The entire shrine was plated in gold. People were standing in queue to donate money in the hundi. Lord Balaji is rich!

Sweet Memories

I was clearing up my personal folder in my PC & came across a folder I hadn’t seen for ages… “Trivandrum” It read. Inside I found some sweet memories. TCS mandates training for all freshers they recruit. I attended the training in Trivandrum, located in God’s own country, Kerala. We are taught a foreign language there. Luckily our batch was present during the foreign language week celebration.

We were asked to prepare for a singing competition. I am a terrible singer even in the bathroom, but the child in me dominated and nominated me for the same. Thank god there were no auditions. We were supposed to sing in French, a language I had been learning for barely 4 weeks.

We were given a tape and the lyrics in French. French is most non-phonetic language I have come across. We heard and wrote down sounds in Hindi. Got the song translated from the French professor. After lots of late night practices, we sang it on the stage. The video of the same is embedded below. Enjoy!!!



For all you know French, here is the lyrics, in French.

L'oiseau et la bulle.

Un poisson au fond d'un étang
Qui faisait des bulles qui faisait des bulles
Un poisson au fond d'un étang
Qui faisait des bulles pour passer le temps

Un oiseau vient près de l'étang
Regarder les bulles regarder les bulles
Un oiseau vient près de l'étang
Regarder les bulles c'est amusant

Que fais-tu joli poisson blanc
Moi je fais des bulles moi je fais des bulles
Que fais-tu joli poisson blanc
Moi je fais des bulles pour passer le temps

Plus j'en fais plus je suis content
Plus je fais des bulles plus je fais des bulles
Plus j'en fais plus je suis content
Des rouges ou des bleues selon le courant

Le poisson tout en discutant
A fait un bulle a fait une bulle
Le poisson tout en discutant
A fait un bulle pour monter dedans

Et la bulle portée par le vent
Et la belle bulle et la belle bulle
Et la bulle portée par le vent
A pris son envol le poisson dedans

L'oiseau est tombé dans l'étang
En voyant la bulle en voyant la bulle
L'oiseau est tombé dans l'étang
En voyant la bulle du poisson volant

Maintenant au fond de l'étang
L'oiseau fait des bulles l'oiseau fait des bulles
Maintenant au fond de l'étang
L'oiseau fait des bulles pour passer le temps

For translations... Use google language Tools....

My Team

A lot of friends treat their office as just a work place, but I differ. What makes my work a lot more appealing is the team I have, with an interesting mix of people. I am leaving in a couple of weeks. Actually I must say I am hopeful that I will be leaving in a couple of weeks, if my managers ever find a replacement. Anyway, life goes on, but I will miss them all…

I have worked with Muktesh the most. A serious looking chatterbox! He also happens to be my rakhi brother, so naturally I am very fond of him. All thanks to him for my Hindi vocabulary improvement. In the beginning, I barely understood all the words he spoke. Now I do. I don’t know whether I have improved of he has worsened. His ability to recite impromptu poems few pages long without taking a pause to think, amazes me.

Seshadri came across as a very serious and intense guy at first, and then I saw his fun side. Now I am getting to know his sensitive side. My first impression of a person has never been so wrong before. He is smart, intelligent and creative; He writes poems in 3 different languages (Hindi, English and Tamil). He is the only Mumbai guy in my team.

Prabhu is my confidant. He is a sweet guy whom I can call any time in the night, just because I am bored. He knows everything about the current affairs in the project, the policies, the application and always has an opinion on any problem we face.

These three never leave a chance to pull my leg or trouble me. But I can’t do without them at all.

The most striking feature about my module lead is his long hair & wrinkles near his eye when he smiles. Abhishek is a shayar too. My team is damn creative. He is a Bhopal fan just like an ex-team mate, Ankit, who also happens to be a good friend of Abhishek. I love pulling pranks on Ankit, which is fun because he always falls for it.

Subhashree is a very quiet girl. But with the ruckus we create she has been successfully tempted to joining in. She reads palms & she is good at it. Probably because she said very nice things for me ;-). Naïve. That’s what I thought of Sumanta at first, but probably he is just masquerading. He always has interesting comments on all at any situation and always blushes at the mention of his “mandu” (GF in Oriya).
Sunil is quiet but witty. A silent listener. I fear people who fall in this category.

People around us have expressions of great gravity on their faces and look up to us for the free entertainment we provide. But I think the day is not far away when we will be thrown out of the office for the poetry and palmistry session we hold.

The team is incomplete without our client, Amit. He is a born manager with remarkable technical and business knowledge. A lethal combination. My interaction with him is personal and friendly, thus it is a pleasure working with him. He is always more than happy to join us in all our fun sessions!!!

I don’t think I will ever find a team like this for all these people aren’t just team mates or colleagues. They are friends, very good friends!!!

Distraction

Sick and tired of being depressed about Richard.
I need a plan, a plan to get over my man.
What’s the opposite of man, jam?

This is what Monica (from the famous sitcom Friends) says when she is questioned about the obsessive jam making spree. Bottles of jam cannot solve heart break, but distraction can… Jam did that for her.



The picture above is an art called long stitch. I bought it for a well deserved distraction from work. I got the idea from the episode featuring the above “philosophy”. I started stitching in January and finally I have finished it... Planning to get it framed this weekend.

Sitcom

When I hear the word sitcom, the first TV show that comes to my mind is Friends. I am sure many will agree with me. For all you people who don't know anything about Friends, I can give you a small brief. It’s about six friends who live close to each other in Manhattan. The characters are believable and the humor is fantastic. The weird and scrappy Phoebe, the snobbish and whiny Rachel, the perfectionist and cleanliness freak Monica, Chandler with his spontaneous humor, the always correct Ross and the charismatic actor Joey make it a delight to watch. I must have watched each and very episode at least 3 times, but I can’t get enough of it. You will read a lot about Friends in my posts.

Closer home, the show I like a lot is Sarabhai vs. Sarabhai. It definitely isn’t that popular, but it’s another great show. It’s about a family settled in Malabar hills in Mumbai, which is a very posh area. Rich, sophisticated and hypocritical Maya Sarabhai, who moves around with crème de la crème of the society wants a daughter-in-law like her, but she gets a “middle class” girl instead. Monisha, who is married to her elder doctor son Sahil, is stingy, dirty and “ekta-kapoor” serial lover. Maya's husband Indravardhan Sarabhai loves to pull a gig on her all the time and supports Monisha just to irritate her. Another great character in this show is Roshesh, the second son of Maya, who is an absolute mama’s boy & supports his momma no matter what. His irrational and non-rhyming poems are hilarious. Put in a tarot reader daughter, Sonya and annoying and technology freak son-in-law, Dushyant, they make the most dysfunctional family in TV (leaving out all the huge families of Ekta Kapoor). Episodes featuring the deaf brother-in-law of Indravardhan, Madhu Phupha, are hilarious. I am waiting for the second season to begin…

Baby Clothes

I have seen pictures in many blogs. I was just curious to try posting one. I got a perfect chance today. My mom bought some new dresses for my 3 month old niece, Ananya. They were very cute. I wish such frocks were made for adults. ;-) My favorite is the blue and white frock. She was (and still very nuch is ) a cute little baby who just slept and wept when I last saw her. If I get hold of her pictures, I will post that too.

Spiderman

Saw the movie Spiderman 3 yesterday. It was a good movie. I liked it, even though it drags at many places towards the end. Some emotional sequences could have been trimmed. And the emphasis on Peter liking the black suit could have been better. But what I liked the most about the movie is the computer graphics, which was top notch.

Some sequences I loved were, “Death” of Flint and then his re-birth of as sand man, the first fight sequence between Spiderman & Harry Osborn and the scene where Spiderman gets rid of his black suit on the sound of the bell purely for its picturization.

In this story, Peter Parker discovers his dark side, thanks to a black extra-terrestrial parasite that creeps into his house. It takes over his body while he is battling with the feeling of revenge inside him. According to his physicist, the parasite amplifies the aggression in its host. Due to this Spiderman picks up fights & almost kills 2 people. Though he loves being the dark hero, he chooses to be good at the end. I know I have given away the end, but trust me; it’s not that big a secret.

The movie reminds me of a story I read many years ago, “The strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” It is a famous novella written by Robert Louis Stevenson. After watching this movie I read the novella again today.

It was a book about Dr. Jekyll and his experiments to separate the evil soul he carried within him. He succeeds in creating an evil dual personality who goes by the name, Mr. Hyde from his own soul. Edward Hyde gets powerful and takes over the balanced Henry Jekyll in the end.

The movie highlights one philosophy in the end, “We all have choices in life between the easy and the correct. Our choices define us.” Very simple and very true!!!

A Love Story

This is a small love story I wrote a few days ago. I haven’t been able to think of a good title, so I am just going to call it “Love Story”.


Running around the government offices is not my cup of tea. But after a certain point, there are only certain favours children can do for you. I was grateful to God for the loving the daughter-in-law I got. After I lost my wife, she has been a mother to me.

At the culmination of my life, I did not expect anything to turn my life around. I didn’t know what was waiting for me at the end of the corridor is about to do that. I could see the lift door closing on me. I could see a young girl of barely 20 inside. I tried my best to stop it with my walking stick, not expecting a help from her. But she seemed to belong to the rare species that cared for the elderly.

When I walked in, I saw a face so similar that it reminded me of Ritika. My friend, my beat friend, my first love, the long silky hair, the brown-blue angelic eyes, the cute dimple on her left cheek as she smiled. She was very unlike the girl of today. She was dressed in a simple pink salwar & had a smile on her face.

Mom had baked chocolate cake. Ritika loved it. She was coming over for the night. Her parents were out of town. We had a whole night of fun planned. We were best friends. She was two years my junior, yet we spent every free moment together in school. She was the prettiest girl in 8th standard. All my friends envied me.

A double knock told me that it was Ritika. She had very unique mannerisms. This was one of them. I wondered why she dislikes the bell. “It sounds like a buzzer”, she always said.

“Wow Aunty!!! I can smell cake. You are best.” She said the moment I opened the door.
“Beta, I was waiting for you. What took you so long?” enquired mom.
“I was in the shower. The humidity does not suit me” she replied.

We all had dinner and my parents went to sleep. I wanted to watch a movie, I downloaded. She wanted to finish her home work. We argued and she won, as usual. She sat down with her math book, biting her pencil trying to solve an algebraic equation. Her hair was loose and was falling on her face. She was playing with her hair.

My friends were right, she was very beautiful. She was my best friend. But lately my feelings were changing. I was attracted to her. Was she becoming more than a friend? If it had been a movie, I would probably be singing a song for her. Then a new thought stuck me, why not?

While she was busy with her math, I started to write a poem for her trying to tell her I want her to be more than a friend. But I could not. I was scared that I would hurt her. Meanwhile she finished her work and we sat down to watch the movie.

She fell asleep. I kept looking at her. “No!!! She is your best friend. Probably this is just a crush. It’s not worth loosing her over this. Shut up and go to sleep” I said to myself and fell asleep.

“Which floor sir?” she asked. “Third” I replied. The familiarity was remarkable. I wanted to talk to her, but the lift opened and she walked out. I put my thoughts behind and walked out behind her.
“Excuse me. Can you guide me to the pension department?” I asked her.
“I am going there sir. I will take you.” She held my hands and walked with me.

“What are you looking for?” She asked me the moment we entered the department.
“My address has changed. I came here before and filled out the required forms. Yet my pension checks go to my old address. At this age I cannot run around the office all the time. I want to sort out this problem.”

She thought carefully and asked me to have a seat. She went inside the officer’s cabin and spoke to a middle aged man. Then she came out with a few forms. “Sir, please fill this out. I think the office has lost your previous forms.” She said.

“Thanks!! You are very polite. It’s rare in today’s generation. Do you work here?” I asked while writing the forms.

“No, my father works here. I am still studying.” She said while pointing to the officer’s cabin door. I filled out the forms and thanked her again for helping me.

“What are you studying?” I asked before leaving.
“Architecture”, she replied.
“Sir, this is my contact number. If you have any other problems, you can call. You need not come here.” She added while handing me a piece of paper. Before I could say anything, her father called out to her & she ran in.

Shalini
9826547810

The piece of paper said.


I was praying to god that she gets it. Ritika was trying to get an admission the junior college I was passing out of. Her 10th score was good. The chances were good. She wanted to study in the college her best friend studied. I was touched.

I had unsuccessfully tried to leave behind my feelings for her from the past two years. I tried to control the rage in my heart I felt every time she spoke to Rajeev. I wondered all night what attracted her to him. He was handsome. He was a college topper. He played football, the game she loved. “But I can do all that. I will study harder from tomorrow & learn football” I kept saying this to myself every night. “Or should I just tell her how I feel?” I never knew.

There was the typical knock again on the door. I knew it was Ritika. Mom opened the door.
“I got it. I got it. I got it.” She kept shouting. There was a chocolate in her hand. This was a new habit she has picked up. She said she loved it. And Rajeev made sure she was never out of it.

“Congrats! I knew you would get it” I said walking up to her. She hugged me & said, “All because of you dear. You are best friend. I knew that as long as you are there for me, I can get any thing I want”.

The hug seemed like eternity. But the word “Best Friend” pinched my heart. It was ironic. I loved to hear her call me that before.
“Look what Rajeev gave.” She said showing me her new bracelet. It was a thin chain and little stars were hanging from it. I wanted to rip it off and confess my growing fondness and love for her. “Fondness!! That’s it. You are not in love. It’s not worth spoiling your friendship” an inner voice said. I looked at her. She was happy. That is all I wanted.

“Aunty, mom asked me to come home early. I have top go.” she said while running away. She shouted “Bye Vicky” before closing the door.

“Daadhu”, my grandson called out. Few days has passed. My second grandson has started to talk. I was very happy the day he called me dhoodhoo few months ago. Now he could pronounce better.

Few days has passed since I had met Shalini. She was out of my mind for some time. I suddenly remembered her when I saw her number on the piece of paper that I that kept in my draw. I keep wondering about that little polite girl. I decided to call her. The phone kept ringing. “Was she busy? Probably in college. I must not disturb.” I kept thinking. At this moment she answered.

“Hello.” Her voice was sweet but it was sad.
“Hello beta. I am the old man you helped with the address the other day. Remember?”
“Of course. How are you sir? Dad said the address change will be taken care of.”
“I am fine beta. I called to thank you.”
“It’s my duty sir. You need not thank me.”

“Beta, you sound very sad to me. If don’t mind, I want to help you if there is a problem.”
“It’s nothing sir.”
“Call me daadhu beta.” I interrupted.
“Okay. Daadhu. You can call me shallu. It’s nothing. I am just a bit upset.”
“Please shallu. Let me help. Sharing pain reduces it. If you want I can meet you. Where are you?”

“I am near the children’s park at the end of the market road.”
“I will meet you in the park in 10 minutes”

I reached the park and she was sitting on a swing. Ritika loved the swing. We sat down and started talking. She told me that her grand mom is ill & has been taken to the hospital. She seemed extremely attached to her grand mother. As we were talking, she started crying. I consoled her and sent her home. She told me she felt better and thanked me for being so nice to her.

Ritika was crying. Rajeev had broken her heart. I felt like hunting him down and killing him. Four years had passed since she had joined the junior college, since Rajeev gave her the bracelet. Their friendship grew. Whenever I sulked, she assured me that I was and will always be her best friend.

For six years I convinced myself that I wasn’t in loved. I tried harder when she started dating Rajeev. I hated him for that. I hated him more when he dumped her for another girl in our college who was “modern & sexy”.

Ritika was a simple girl with a very clean heart. Her head was on my shoulder. She was un-consolable. I pacified her. I took her out for a nice dinner & we watched a nice movie together after the Rajeev bitching session. As she was leaving, she hugged me.
“I am so lucky to have a friend like you. You are the best friend anyone can ever get”.

We parted. I looked into her eyes and she looked into mine. My heart was beating very fast. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. And then tell her all that I had been feeling for six years. But we were just silent for a long time.

“I have to go now.” She said before breaking the eye contact. I knew it was love. I was sure it was no crush or infatuation. I wanted her to know how I felt. I stopped her as she was opening the door to leave.

“What?” Words failed me. “Nothing. Good night.” I said. She left. “She was sad. I will tell her later. Probably on her birthday.” I told myself and went to sleep.

I wanted to surprise her on her birthday, but instead, she surprised me. Rajeev has called to apologise. She decided to accept it. I did what I had been doing for so many years now. Kept quiet.

“Happy birthday”, Rajni said. She has made gulab jamuns, my favorite. My son came home early. My grand children are happy. We dinned together after a long time. My grand daughter made me a little drawing of me and my wife. It was turning out to be one of the happiest days of my life.

I am still in touch with Shallu enquiring about her grand mother. She is a very ambitious girl and wants to be famous. She is creative. I wish & pray that she achieves what she wants. I want to know more about her family. Probably she is related to Ritika.

I haven’t changed in all these years. I did not have the courage then, I do not have the courage now. But I am happy to find a friend in a 20 year old girl. She is also surprised that she can talk so comfortably with a 70 year old man.

We discuss her college, her boy friend, her teachers, her dreams & aspirations, her fondness for her elder sister who is getting married in a few days. But it has been few days since she has called. She is probably busy with the wedding.

“My grand mom is very sick.” she said. We were in the park. “Also my sister left. I suddenly feel very alone in my own house without the two very important people in my life.” The mehendi from her sister’s wedding is still dark. It reminded me of Ritika’s.

It was the most memorable and happy day for Ritika & the worst day of my life. It was her wedding day. She was going to marry Rajeev. I cursed myself every night since her birthday for not kissing her the night Rajeev broke her heart.

I could not bear the decorated building, the hall and the clothes and jewellery she kept showing to my mom. I wanted to throw away everything and tell her that I was crazy about her. And that I wanted to marry her.

But she was my friend. She was happy. Our eyes kept meeting across the marriage hall. It seemed that she wanted to tell me something. She even cornered me once, but I slipped off. I was angry with her for no fault of hers. She could sense it. But I avoided her.

She married him. They were going away to a different city. She hugged me before she left. “Vicky, I will miss you. I know I can never find a friend like you. You mean a lot to me. I hope you know that. Please keep in touch.” she said.

But I didn’t. I could not. That was the last time I saw her, touched her and spoke to her. I left the country on a job. I heard, she had a daughter, from a common friend. I didn’t go to meet her. I was angry. Not with her. Not with Rajeev. With myself. Just myself, for being so coward.

“Nani died this morning.” It was Shallu. She was crying. We met at the park. I consoled her. She refused to go home to see the last rites of her grand mother. I convinced and took her home.

As we moved closer, I saw her grand mother. I got the rudest shock of my life. It was Ritika. No wonder Shallu reminded her of me. There she was. I saw her after so many years. My entire teens came flashing.

My best friend. My first love. The girl who was once was my life was dead. I was still angry. Not at her, but myself for throwing her out of my life for no fault of hers. For not having the courage to tell her the truth.

Many days have passed. Shallu called. She was cleaning her grand mother’s room & found her diary. Some were more than fifty years old. She asked me to come over. She wanted me to see what she has written. After the body was taken I told Shallu everything about me & Ritika. She was shocked, but understood.

I walked into Ritika’s room and Shallu was sitting there.
“Daadhu, just see what I found. I knew you would want to read this. You can take it home, if you want.”


Dear Diary,

It’s my first day in the new school. I made a new friend today, Vicky. That’s what his mom calls him. Isn’t it funny? He was good to me.


Dear Diary,
Mom & Dad are out of town. I am at Vicky’s place. Aunty made a nice chocolate cake for me. We just watched a romantic movie. He is so special. He is my best friend. Is he just a friend? I am not sure. But I really like him.


Dear Diary,
Rajeev is good to me, but I still like Vicky more. But I don’t think he feels like that. Initially I felt he was jealous of Rajeev. I was so happy, but I don’t think it is true.


Dear Diary,
I got into Vicky’s junior college like I always wanted. I think I am falling in love with him, but he just thinks of me as his best friend. I hope he would be more expressive. Rajeev gave me a bracelet. That did not make Vicky jealous at all. I hope he is jealous.


Dear Diary,
Rajeev has been very mean to me lately. I think he likes that new girl Simran. He denied it today, but I have my doubts.


Dear Diary,
Rajeev confessed that he made out with Simran. This is the worst day of my life. Thank god I have Vicky with me. He was so nice to me. He took me out for dinner & then also watched a movie with me. Today when he looked into my eyes, I knew it was not just a normal glance.
I am in love with him. But he didn’t say anything. When he stopped me, I was sure he is going to say something, but he didn’t. I hope he takes my hint.


Dear Diary,
It’s my birthday. I am happy. I just can’t stop thinking about Vicky. Why doesn’t he love me back? I hope he does. This is my birthday wish. I want him to love me the way I love him.
Rajeev called and apologised. I told Vicky, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed happy for me. I have forgiven Rajeev. I think he is better for me. At least he loves me.


Dear Diary,
Rajeev wants to marry me. Vicky was happy to know that. I was wrong all this time. Vicky just sees me as a friend. It’s no use waiting for him to say anything. I think I should say yes to Rajeev.


Dear Diary,
I am married. Vicky looked very distracted and upset today. I thought he would be happy for me. He isn’t telling me what I worrying him. I hope he is fine. I have to leave tomorrow. I could not talk to him alone. I will call him later.


Dear Diary,
Vicky left the country, He didn’t even tell me. Why is he doing this? What did I do to hurt him? Oh god, give me one chance to meet him. I want to ask him.


Dear Diary,
I am a mother now. I made sure Vicky finds out. He hasn’t called or come to meet me. Why? He is my best friend, My first love. Oh god, please sort this out.


Dear Diary,
I became a grand mother today, I never heard from Vicky. I hope he is happy. God, give me one chance to tell him that I was in love with him.


Dear Diary,
My life is going to end soon. God, where is my Vicky. I hope I find him up there.

My pension check came to my current address. My life is back to the routine. My meetings with shallu are still continuing. She asks many questions about Ritika.

I hate myself now, for being such a coward all my life. I really hope I meet my Ritika up there and tell her how much I regret not telling her how much I loved her.


The END

My First Post

Many friends of mine have a blog. It always amazed me how easily they could express their thoughts, opinions & their creativity. So I had decided to give it a try. I am planning to put what ever I think is worth making public. Wish me luck.